Helen's Story

Since we are two girls, we knew from the get-go that having a baby would include some type of process. We started off by reading up on everything we could about sperm donation, statistics and the legislation of same sex couples that wanted to become parents. We decided on a clinic in Denmark since you had the option to choose a donor. In Sweden you get assigned a donor based on a few physical attributes in the partner who is not carrying the baby. We spent hours scrolling through all kinds of information on potential donors. What were their hobbies and education? How old were their parents? What did they look like as kids? The decision felt very important at that time. And that is something quite interesting to reflect on in retrospect, since everything changed so drastically.

We were not that confident after our first insemination, but at the same time we felt that soon we would become parents. We were so excited. We had thoughts about buying some baby things as a reminder of our trip to Denmark, but didn’t. When my period came less than a week after we were disappointed, but we knew this might take some time, and we felt hopeful. In a notebook from this period I have written “is it harder to get pregnant if you have a short luteal phase?”

We went through the same process again but unfortunately with the same results. We quickly decided to change to a clinic in Sweden. Going to Denmark over the day was quite expensive and a demanding journey. In Sweden we had to do new evaluations and needed approval from a psychologist, which resulted in us losing even more precious time – given the stress of knowing that fertility declines with age. We went through with several more inseminations that failed which resulted in us trying IVF. Around this time the excitement and joy of becoming parents had been exchanged with hopelessness and sadness as we didn’t see any progress.

The first natural IVF cycle failed, and we asked for doing the next IVF on a stimulated cycle – my short luteal phase results in me getting my period before I even could get the chance to find out if I'm pregnant. I had a feeling that this was the problem for us, but no doctor seemed to take notice. I don’t think this was written in my journal, since I had to repeat it several times. After our second IVF, amazingly I got pregnant for the first time in my life. Initially it was hard for me to feel happy, I didn't trust my body or any doctors, and I had been bleeding heavily. But in the end everything went well for us.

The hardest thing for me was not knowing when or if it would work as we had hoped, not knowing is so incredibly rough and hard for others to understand. At the same time I am impressed with myself, and everyone else out there who is struggling – despite all frustration, sorrow and anger, there is still hope.

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